May 1, 2026
One of the meditations I often read before the Mourner’s Kaddish was written by Hannah Senesh. With her poetic pen, she wrote the following words (translated from Hebrew):
Yesh Kochavim – There Are Stars
There are stars up above, so far away we only see their light long, long after the star itself is gone. And so it is with people we have loved—their memories keep shining ever brightly, though their time with us is done. But the stars that light up the darkest night, these are the lights that guide us. As we live our lives, these are the ways we remember.
In the past week, the Jewish world lost two incredible individuals who made an impact far beyond the Jewish community. Last Friday, Matan Koch breathed his last breath after a recent diagnosis of advanced stomach cancer. He was 44. I had known Matan since the late 1990s, when we worked at Eisner Camp together. Matan was one of five children. His sister, Rabbi Shira Koch Epstein, was a classmate of mine in rabbinical school.
Matan was truly an incredible human being. He was born with cerebral palsy and, as a paraplegic, spent his life in a wheelchair. He was brilliant, attending Yale at 16 and then going on to Harvard Law School. When I first knew Matan, he tutored Hebrew for kids at his beloved Eisner Camp who were preparing to become b’nai mitzvah. He did so with a kind heart and a joyful sense of humor. Years later, he became a fierce advocate for disability rights and a spokesperson for inclusion. He spoke at Congregation Beth Tikvah in April of 2017, where he gave a brilliant sermon on these themes.
After the weekend, he asked me for a quote. I said, “Through personal reflections, wisdom from our tradition, and a vision of wholeness, Matan reflects on the potential of what a community can accomplish when inclusion is a priority. Matan speaks with passion and facilitates meaningful conversation, which can help a community implement its vision.” Matan Koch brought an incredible light to the world, and all of us who were touched by his life will miss him greatly. If you would like to read more about his legacy, I encourage you to read the obituary published about him earlier this week by JTA. May Matan’s memory be an enduring blessing, and may we continue to work toward radical inclusion to ensure that no one is forgotten.
On Monday, Dr. Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor from Hungary who survived Auschwitz, immigrated to the United States, was mentored by Viktor Frankl, and became a psychologist in her fifties, was taken from us. She was 98. In her memoir The Choice, Eger shares her harrowing story of survival. Perhaps just as miraculous, she shares her story of resilience. Intending to move to Israel after the war, she and her husband placed all their belongings on a boat, only to change plans at the last minute. She came to the United States, settling in Baltimore. I read her memoir earlier this year. The wisdom she shares with the world was molded by her ability to grapple with the struggles of her past. Guided by the lessons she learned from Frankl, she recalled her mother’s words to her on the train to Auschwitz: “Just remember, no one can take away from you what you put in your mind. We can’t choose to vanish the dark, but we can choose to kindle the light.”
This wisdom molded Eger’s approach to her psychology practice. She created her own unique approach to therapy, calling it CHOICE Therapy: Compassion, Humor, Optimism, Intuition, Curiosity, and Self-Expression. She explains her therapy by teaching that if we are stuck in the past, where we might say, “If only I did this” or “if only I did that,” then we live in a prison we create for ourselves. She explains that we all have freedom of choice, and we can exercise it in the present.
Eger was captivated by the experience of the Passover seder that tells the story of the liberation of the ancient Israelites from Egypt. In her life’s work, she developed her own version of the Four Questions:
- What do you want? Eger explains that this question, while simple, gives us permission to listen to ourselves and our true desires and not give in to what someone else wants from us.
- Who wants it? This question empowers us to listen to ourselves rather than live up to another’s expectations of us. Eger writes that we might need to give up our need to please others or our need for others’ approval.
- What are you going to do about it? While positive thinking is important, change comes about through positive action. Eger explains that when we practice something, we become better at it. This includes fear and anger. If we want to change, we must notice what isn’t working and act intentionally to make change. We must empower ourselves to do it.
- When? To quote the great Rabbi Hillel, “If not now, when?” There is no better time than the present to make change. Eger writes that we need to start now.
May Dr. Edith Eger’s memory be for a blessing.
While the loss of these two individuals is profound, their memories continue to shine ever brightly because of the wisdom they taught the world. As we internalize some of these lessons, we keep their memories alive.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Rick Kellner